Thursday, June 14, 2007

Emotional Abuse

I was emotionally abused in my marriage.

There I admit it.
I feel embarrassed, angry, weak and strong by making that statement.
My friends and family will attest what a devastating affect my ex husband had on me.

For years I believed I was "Fat, stupid and ugly."
I couldn't wear skirts because they made my legs look fat.
I couldn't wear ponytails because my face didn't look right.
I couldn't believe there was any value in my engineering degree.
I couldn't talk to my friends or mom because. (there was no reason)

I was left alone and crying on the bathroom floor every time I found out I was pregnant. It was my fault for getting pregnant.

It was my fault my husband failed his medical board exams.
It was my fault my husband had an affair with his secretary.
It was my fault my husband drank too much.
It was my fault my family was boring.
It was my fault for giving up on the marriage.

Though I stepped away and began to rebuild myself 3 years ago,
a moment can bring back all abuse I endured in that relationship.
It also makes me incredibly thankful for getting away from that abusive relationship.

Now, I am the "Crazy Angie" my friends and family knew, and missed, for years.

I am proud to have an engineering degree.
I am proud to be an incredible mom.
I am proud to have two amazing boys.
I am proud to be an engineer.
I am proud to have a successful business.
I am proud to have a wonderful family.
I am proud to have all my friends.

I love to wear skirts.
I love to wear ponytails (though my hair is short now).
I love my family. They are far from boring.
I love my friends.
I love my job.
I love me.

I feel better sharing these thoughts with you.

Thank you.


Anonymous said...

Can I write "a$$h0le" on the blog without it causing some sort of error for my post?

I hope I can.

He was (and still is) an a$$h0le. He treated you terribly because he felt inferior to your brilliance.

Shine on, Crazy Ang! We love ya'!

Anonymous said...

Just want to say hi. That was a hell of a brave thing you just did there. Hats off to you Crazy Angie! :)

Louise Kahle said...

When someone is abusive, the problem is never about the person who receives the abuse- it's always with the abuser.
That experience is part of what makes you the incredible woman, mother and friend you are today.

Anonymous said...

Angie - you are a winner. You are a survivor. You rock.

Epimenides said...

Keep rocking Angie! (may I apologise on behalf of all men for your ex being part of our gender)

Anonymous said...

What a weak, cowardly man to belittle his prize woman! You are goregous and so beyond his reach. I, along with Epimenides, apologize for your Nimrod ex-husband. Perhaps there is something to a name?

Rock On Angie!!!!

jcb said...

Thank you for your eloquent description of what we go through at the hands of these narcisits. i am working to raise my son in such a way as to break the cycle, and make sure my health students understand that verbal/emotional abuse is REAL!

PS - my family is glad to have me "back" too!

Angie Weid said...

@JCB - Welcome back! Glad you enjoyed my story. Enjoy the day.